My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
