I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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