never play flip cup with pint glasses
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
