remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
