Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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