I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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