Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
