like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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