LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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