Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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