Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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