i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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