I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
