I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
