mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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