Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
