dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
