I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
