i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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