Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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