sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
