theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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