from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
