i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
