dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
