You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
