I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
