is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize