yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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