Soap is not a condiment
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
