got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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