My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
