The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize