Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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