So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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