Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
