She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
