I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
