i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize