I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize