38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize