having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
