So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
BRING THE BAGELS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
