Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
