So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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