I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
