I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
