She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
