If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
