we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
