Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
