think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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