Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
