you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So squirting runs in the family.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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