by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
