he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i need some magic done to my vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
