I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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