last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
