so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
