I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
