U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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