So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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