Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
