i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
